Distressed

"for those who have ever been intentionally hurt”

July 18, 2011

settin' the love i had a BLAZE..
 because when it was time to speak of love you forgot my NAME,
 ashamed of the games a player was PLAYING,
thought i heard love..
 but then realized it was only hate filled shit you were SAYING..
.a hater doin' his daily HATING, waiting for love, continuously STAYING..


.mind fucked.
it was probably wishful THINKIN
thinkin' you could be a better human BEIN'
but your love was MISLEADIN',
due to the constant destruction and MISTREATIN'
of my heart.


ripped it up and tored it APART
if you were goin' to be the devil, why approach me like the ARC
Angels touched us, i could have SWORN...
touched us, healed us and made us REBORN.
they say nothing is worse than a woman SCORNED.
but i say there is nothing worse than a man with HORNS.


dedicated to making our life uneasy
i could tell by the way you wouldn't believe in me,
have faith in me, love me and put your trust in me...
instead you feel better doubtin' me,
as if God has never been allowed in me..
i speak the truth fluently, abundantly...
but you would know that if you really were in love with me...
shady...


thinking i could be forever your LADY...
visualizing that i could supply you with a healthy BABY...
maybe TWO, but when you looked in the mirror all you saw was YOU
selfishly...
telling me... the problem is me?
when you can't control your own mentality..
.
Pay attention, it's FREE..
You shoulda never wished death upon ME..
I was created by God, like Adam did EVE
N' now the only way to talk to me is via MEMORY
feel me through the tears i've been crying
i bet you wish now that i was actually dying
instead of you supplying the pain...


removing myself from the reigns...
because when im next to you i feel shame
ashamed of the treatment i've allowed
a queen next to a king, i should never be expected to bow
keyword NEXT TO
instead wishing i never met you...
never sexed you, instead i should have left you...


where you stand, i no longer see a man..
the potential you had, the bigger plan
love slipped your mind like quicksand
instead of asking for help, you balled a fist with your hands...
frustrated because deep down you have a hatred for love...
from me...as if there's no sincerity...


your mind fought against me,
your heart will always miss me...
you should have prayed every time you dismissed me...
because unlike your others i am a gift....
not your hoe, not your slut... not your little dumb bitch...
i wont put you on my payroll, i will stand when you say sit...
only because your tone of voice makes me rebellious.


reflect on my lines, each word... each phrase...
the word "baby" will never sound the same...
because you gave all the ones who wanted my position the same name..
and im the one to blame, for the inconsistency and lack of meaning...
take that to the judge, they'll recognize the truth and believe me...
not you...
not the one who portrays the fool.......
who uses love as some vengeful tool..
a ploy to get what's wanted
that's why your dreams are always haunted..


i pray for you...
pray that it's not too late to erase the hate..
to open your heart and free your mind...
to take the time, relax your spirit...
to allow love to near it.
can you hear it?


the sound of two hearts colliding..
the sound of angels and demons fighting...
the sound of fire and air reuniting…
the moment the earth feels the sun igniting..


my mind says GO, my heart says STOP,
there has always been a cliff waiting for me…
I can’t find it in myself to take the lethal drop…
So I pause…
Waiting for an opportunity to rebalance…n’ I thought that was you…
I already know I’m wrong, no need to prove.
Looking at you… feels like a failure…
Because what woman wants to beg for consistent love behavior
The Lord as my Savior, things will never be the same…
The moment you took death and attached it to my name…
Once a wild woman, heart of a Lion … now tamed…
Only to be made a mockery of…
The rabbit… left in the cage...framed.
Dumb and in a daze…
Unknowingly put myself in a position…
Unable to be saved…

Feel me?

Can you see me….

I doubt you can, because I stand in front of a boy not yet a man

I thought it was love when I placed my hands in your hands…

I thought we were together and would continue to be…

But im sorry, unapologetically…

You’re part to blame for my insanity…

Can’t even give up your social network so we can form some unity?

Bitches and hoes, hoes and bitches…

Tellin’ me im your wife, while you’re wooing the mistress.

I’ll pass, there’s nothing solid about you…

Nothing worthy of my love, I was mistaken…

Truthfully speakin’,

My heart was weakened…

Melted every time I found myself leavin’

Wanting to be with you…

Is it not enough for someone to love you…

Not enough for someone to genuinely care…

But you push love away for the bullshit compliments and stares

From bitches with press ons and store bought hair

Bitches that would give you a fuck and a disease at the same time.

I’ll pass…

My frame of mind is independent,

Because I know you converse and probably fuck other women

Hard decision, but I have to make a new commitment…

To myself…

You’re bad for my health…

You give me no security,

All you want to do is ruin me…

Speak bad on me…

Disrespect me…

No time…

I can’t waste it..

I’d rather leave you, than waste my tears..

Stupid of me to love you, what the fuck was I thinking…

Hurt me , and all you were doing was blinking…

Not paying attention, negatively speaking…

I can’t do it anymore…

The love… so fake.

It never was real, you’ve judged me and deceived me from the very beginning..

Before you had me in your arms, I was already losing…

Stupid of me for looking past your impurities..

Maybe I should bring them up, instead of making everything new to me..

Throw them in your face, just like you do to me…

Do it with some urgency,

“Die bitch”… really?

All I can do is put my head down…

Thinking I was ready to give you the crown…

Shame on me a million times…

I should have left you… you were never mine.

As many times accused of cheating and mistreating..

I might as well,

 disrespecting love is a fast way to hell..

you couldn’t have loved me, I could already tell..

because all you do is pretend…

“player until the end”

I came in with a weary heart…

A real man would recognize and proceed to mend it…

Instead you were all about you…

Telling ME I had something to PROVE

Serious?

This shit was supposed to be new to the both of us…

Judging me based off of past indiscretions…

Shit, those were my own life lessons, as im sure you’ve had yours…

Fucking 70+ mini whores…

That ain’t my place to judge…

My place is to renew you with love and hugs…

See who the man is now, not the man in your past…

Who are you now, will help determine whether we would last…

Why tell you something only for it to be used against me

Open with you, sharing my honesty…

Because that’s what you do when you’re really in love…

You give yourself to God and leave the rest to faith…

Fuck the bullshit, fuck the old shit…

But no, you wanna fuck with me and every other bitch…

Stupid of me…

I wish you the best…

Genuinely.

Sincerely,

The knife in my back.

W8

(for every female who can't express themselves, in fear of argument)

never secures my feelings

always leaves it up to me to bring back the emotional healing

and I fasho ain’t feelin’ that shit

hella disrespectful and demeaning

constantly having to ask myself why do I stay

when I should be packin’ and leavin’

neverending games is what he chooses to play

wonderin’ when something nice is what he’s gonna say

yea, there’s love…but that’s beginning to stall.

Loving you is hard when you make me not want to give my all

Sometimes I feel like if we fail, we might as well fall…gracefully.

You don’t seem to give a fuck about who the fuck you datin’

Si what would be the point of me smilin’ and celebratin’

When I’d rather leave you alone, a smile would be fakin’

I thought I was supposed to be taken, but I guess I’m really not

Cuz if a nigga had me, he would know just what he’s got

He’d recognize the true potential, stop playin’ and pick a spot

On the side that contains me, and stop switching back and forth

From bitch, to baby, to girl you my lady…

Nigga is u crazy

Congesting everything about us with your “I don’t knows” and “maybe’s”

You walk around this mothafucka like you don’t need nobody

Well then, if that’s the fuckin’ case I should leave you with no body

No kissin’ and no fuckin’

The epitome of no lovin’

Crazy how you can encourage someone not to care

Always puttin’ me down like I’m supposed to want to stand there and accept the harsh critiques

You never offer anything beneficially for me

Always focused on you

So how can you say you want me to be apart of you too?

How the fuck is that gon’ work?

What’s the point of speakin’ love, when you’re constantly a jerk,

A nigga that doesn’t give a fuck?

Would it be too much if you shared a buck to increase my happiness?

Or tried to give me more than just ya dick?

How about a kiss, that actually wants to be a kiss…

You know, the feeling I get inside of my heart when you touch me with your lips…

Instead of tryna spread my legs and stick your dick inside,

Why don’t you gently separate my thighs, and lick my pussy with your eyes…

How am I supposed to feel appreciated when all you do is nag

You might as well kill me now, toe tagged, black bag

Cuz you’re somethin’ like a KILL JOY

You don’t care about anyone else’s feelings or well being

You don’t give a fuck, you’ll attack me without warning

And I’ll be the only one scarred and bleeding

This is just the beginning of our spiritual meeting

And I already I feel myself fleeing…

Don’t know what kind of romance this will be…

If you don’t start to BE LOVE, rather than speak it.

You fightin’ to stay the same, when we should be doin’ some tweakin’

Complex think’ and a little heavy breathin’

And make sure the person in the mirror is who you should be seein’

The devil seem like he’s creepin

Cuz most of the time it’s some fucked up shit you speakin’

I ain’t feelin’ that shit

You may be a good dude, but ya lovin’ side is whack shit

A certain level of consistency is what you need to bring it back, shit.

If you really wanna learn, I can teach you what I know

But if you wanna play these games, I can turn around and go

It will be a unanimous decicision, and if we ain’t fuckin’ wit it

Yo name will not be mentioned in my list of favorites

Cuz I will not give a fuck

I will lead you to the exit door, and wish you love and luck

You treat me like shit at almost every opportunity

Then try to switch the blame

Like that bullshit game aint old as fuck to me

With me is where you say you chose to be

So either, stay proudly or don’t mention me

Be rid of me OR  fuck wit me

Cuz im tired of bein’ held up on yo wannabe puppet strings

you gotta stop bein’ mean and obscene

treat me kindly, and with respect…

cuz if you really knew better, you’d stop pushing yourself to the left…to the left.

E.V.O.L

Love. 

Love.

What I thought we were in…

What you don’t know

What you refuse to feel…

What makes you a sucka…

What you lied to me about.

Love, what I thought we had.

Love…

What you used to fuck me over.

What you gave that other bitch

What I risked my life for

What we found after lust…wasn’t love… but another busted nut.

Love…

The seclusion I feel when you lay next to me..

What I beg of you, each time we argue

The feeling I thought we shared when we touched…

Love, the epitome of what we could have been

Love, what had me open like a mothafucka!

The recognition of necessary changes…

When you ran after me, screaming for my return

What you plotted against my heart with

The unnecessary seed you planted, knowing it wouldn’t grow.

Love,

What God showed you, expecting you to relay the message to me…

But, you failed selfishly.

The smell of your lips,

The taste of your tongue..

The epitome of righteousness.

The clip in your .357 magnum aiming at my heart…

I didn’t know I had to protect myself from you…

Love, a distant memory.

sorry, apologetically. ... an epic monologue.

there have been many things in my life that i reflect on,
wondering why... when... how... for what reason would i have done some of those things. 
why would i have let so many things hurt me,
why didn't i  make the right decisions. 
the incision...
love, loyalty, respect, myself...
all things i have disrespected at some point and time in my life...
no regrets.
      just reflection and recognition....

i apologize to myself.
i apologize to myself for any moment that went by
unchecked. 
i apologize to myself for making the wrong decision,
when i know i could have and should have made a better one.
i was being selfish
    continuously disrespectful,
and for that i am sorry.

i recognize ways in which i was being conciously deceitful to myself and others
for my own personal gain,
and for this i am sorry.
apologetic in ways that cannot be explained,
i am the definition of change.
many summers, falls...beautiful springs, and the coldest winters have recently gone by,
i have sat momentarily wondering... why....

why do i sit here and question my life.
things were done that cannot be taken back ,
but they can possibly be smoothed over and made new with an apology laced upon it....
will i die for my mistakes?

when...
when will God see that i am trying to do better...
i have been soemthing that i am not by not RECOGNIZING my own power...
not recognizing that i can do and be great simultaneously.
i don't have to demean my own character or character of someone elses just to knock the great chip off of my shoulder....

i apologize for the moment of UNsolitude...
so apologetically, i am sorry...
wrapped up in the subconcious, afraid of MYSELF.
im so sorry.

i apologize for the broken hearts..
the broken hearted.
the moments of weakness...
caught up in the moment of loveless sex
upset because i had to get my "fix"
addickted to trying to fill the void of emptiness
forced to look in the mirror
imagining it shattered to the floor every time my tears said "hello"

im sorry .... for the hatred
brought to myself, by Myself...
apologetically, i am on my knees
begging you to take me...as ME.
all of my flaws... please...
unconditionally..
my mentality speaks poetically...
more gentally..now..
finding some love for myself...
finally..
momentarily...living..outside of the "human... being"
what people say they're seeing...
society killed me... im bleeding...
the cool breeze is receeding...
an interview with love.. i can at least get to the meeting.

i am apologetically sorry.
washing my hands of the sinful stones cast by me
watch me while i remove the sinning
tired of the losing, not knowing it was me standing in my own way all along..
not recognizing the messages i've been sending
fuck it. fuck shit. fuck that bitch. fucking his dick. waking up sick..
telling myself "get rid of it"
painful divinity ...
when you mention IT dont mention me
painfully getting rid of my seed
... afraid of them IDing...
me.

but i am different now...
new,
i apologize...
i am saying i am sorry
watching and seeing
feeling and agreeing
yess... blinded by my own selfish ways
counting down the days until my demise
afraid of guys, hating myself wondering why...
afraid of myself and my own power
i apologize for not saying NO when it was most certainly necessary
understanding there will be commentary headed my way
praying i make it another day, just to make everything back to when it was ok
apologetically... i appreciate you...
the new you looking back at me....
frustrated at any mistakes already made in the future...
upset because i can't seem to catch a break...
but i am sorry...
Karma.
endless thoughts, of slitting every bit of joy inside of me...
because i have been so sorry, unapologetically
no sincerity...
how could i ask God to take care of me...
when i couldn't even take the time to forgive ...
me?
why would you want to love somebody that is empty...
guilty of constantly...
   silencing...e v e r y t h i n g ..
avoiding the motion picture
trying to avoid rekindling the flame inside of myself...
i've felt myself dying, not because of my health..
deranged, placing the blame on my now worthless frame
calling upon His holy name...asking God for...
a necessary C H A N G E.

Green Eyes ...

My body was electrified 
as the passion intensified, 
his love inbetween my thighs... 
As I looked into those green eyes...
Just friendly ties, his heart not mine...
we took each other's breath away,
in and out of time... 
cool as a quick fuck unexpectedly turned into a long like..
his dick proves she hadn't been fucked right
Longer than all night, further into daylight
In spite of the sunny delight...
she willed herself to keep it chill, 
keep it cool, keep it real
she found her place, she knew the deal
sweeter than an orange peel on her soft lip
he rested there and forgot to dip
left his homies, took a sip... 
then she realized
the green eyes found themselves mesmerized
but he don't love em', he don't chase em' he fuck em', duck em', don't bug em'
never raw dog, he glove em'
Baby boy, not Jody Jo
we gotta situation that nobody knows
Never come to blows, cuz we always good
he's soft with the morning wood
constant contact, almost deliberate
We wouldn't have met without the Internet....
Communication was the key, I fucks wit Blood, he fucks with me
Matching our signs in the Astronomy...
wondering if we could ever be...
but we just chillin, in moments of passion and heat
He fucks me like he can't be beat...
does he think about me, I bet he does
When the bitches be on him, when he turns down the hugs
slickly my baby, and we're not in love...
don't know what it is, but I know I like it
Everyday I wake up, i'm trying to fight it...
Tryna deny it, his dick is a tight fit
and then when i ride it, he's looking for my lips
unexpectedly, it seems like he's meant for me
But inside of me, lives an OG.. and she says... 
B cool so you don't grow weary..
Let him make the first move, so you can see things clearly...
don't let the green eyes put you under
Or the long strokes , between the thunder
Hoping this leads to summer, unlikely
Cuz I don't think he's gonna like me, I can hope for a maybe
Considering to be his lady
Knowing he could do me shady 
Regardless, that couldn't phase me
Keeping it lit, like he say
Fuck I miss him, I wouldn't play
Next to him, fucking him as we lay
Fuck a plastic or a paper plate
I'm tryna take you on a real date
After that get ate,
Then have you dictate, all the ways you wanna fuck face
Suck you while I masturbate
Fuck me while I levitate..
Lost in those green eyes...
Hoping his get lost too
Caught in the sauce too
Hoping the thoughts true
I don't wanna get caught boo,
Staring at you through my rearview...
Those Green Eyes... Yea, I see you...

Eye hate U

Eye hate U

I hate you
For everything you did, and everything you didn't do
Wondering why I'm so fucked up, cuz I let you fuck wit me
Let you inside of me, mingle wit my mental
Now I fuckin hate myself for being so fuckin stupid
Every time I look in the mirror I wish it was broken
I wish I was kiddin, I wish I was jokin
Fuck all those sorries, I wish u were chokin
Steadily provoking the demons inside of me
Every time I let you take a ride in me
Figuring out who I'm supposed to be
While you go around fucking every body
Questioning me and my resistance?
How about you focus on your own existence
The insolence creates a certain pestilence
To hell and back and back again is where I've been
But u question my loyalty
Question my desire
All I'm trying to do is live amongst my Sire
Can't focus cuz I'm constantly tired
Tired of your tired ass I shoulda been fired
Tryna rearrange the pages to my handbook
But every time I look at you my right hand goes from solid to shook
I hate you
I hate what you say and what you don't say
I hate when i stop playing games u still wanna play
Thinking I'm just another pretty face
Interrupting my space with your disgraces
Now I'm stuck trying to interpret the puzzled faces
Hate it
I really fuckin hate you
I hate how u hit me
How u slapped me
How u turned me around and attacked me
Had to attack me cuz I wouldn't give my heart to you willingly
You don't love me
U wanna tolerate me
Looks like okay scenery
But this life is obscene to me
Conveniently, fucking you cuz it seems to be
Some fiendery
The fuckery
He say he fucks wit me
But continuously, he plots on me
Wanna get a spot wit me, but I'm not ready, to keep it steady
I hate you
Hate everything you've become and where you might end up
Constantly telling you I don't give a fuck
But givin up is you feelin like you've run outta luck
Trouble lurkin around the corner
I could have told her
Don't let that man hold her
Cuz now he feels beheld
Fuck around and have your mind imprisoned , while he's in jail
Goin thru hell, fuck around and still love him
He was her first love
Now what is she to do
Shit I fuckin hate you
Everything about you
Wondering why I wanna go through life without you
Cuz when I needed you
You didn't need me
So I went out and fucked expediently
Virgin turned promiscuous because she was without an US
a lust was the closest thing to love
Cuz up above God just looks down
With no intentions of coming around
She frowns
Contemplating on taking her own and would have succeeded
If her mama didn't break her knees while she pleaded
Been through too much to just leave it, so I beat it
Beat the hate and beat the rape
But yet the rations are still small on my plate
I'm alone cuz that's how I was taught
I hate the money cuz I can't be bought
I know in life it's said things are better left untold
But I don't wanna be old with a grudge though
Passin out fake hugs to the thugs cuz they wanna feel loved
But I don't give a fuck about that cuz I need love too
Look at my life and recogniZe where I've been and what I've been through
I kill people with no bullets
I hate people who constantly cry about goin through it
If it was meant you'd be able to do it
My life ain't for everybody, I ain't gotta prove it
Fuck who thought they knew it
I hate you too if you ever come into this
Interview this
Fuck the money, what's up in your head
Last time I checked, bread goes to your stomach... And not where u led
Gotta powerful struggle up ahead
And money ain't gon stop a nigga from tryna spread open my legs
Fuck you if you got me
Fuck everybody
I hate you I hate you
I just thought i'd tell you...u look surprised too
But looking in the mirror I don't see nobody behind you.

2/18/2011

Different Perspective

Different Perspective

I see everything from an analytical perspective

Don’t mind me, but I see you tryna play detective

you aint finna find shit, cuz i’m an anomaly

Aint no sense in tryna follow me or read me

Im who I am , who im supposed to be

Spitting flows? No, I speak experience

No love lost, my love is delirious

You’re lost in the fun, while im standing in the serious

Every body walks around like they’re tryna pump good fear in us

What the fuck is good fear?

Is that when your girl runs for cover cuz she hears your steps near

Is that when you slap a bitch, cuz you’ve made yourself clear

Or maybe it’s when you’re uncontrollably drunk after a few beers

I know it can’t happen to me, im mature by a few years.

Whatever it is, it’s possible to have been steered in the wrong direction

Putting your hands on me is not a sign of affection

When there is a moment of conviction after the benediction

It causes confliction, every time I mention

God, now isn’t that odd…

When you “swear to bob”

Every 1^st and 15^th you don’t get a check from your job

What is the cause of your infliction

Did I forget to mention, the pain is a predecessor of the fear to come

That’s why you look at me, with your loaded gun

Can’t hold your tongue so you look fuckin stupid

You’re tryna shoot at me, but your problem should be cupid

He tried to set you up with me, so shit be mad at him

But don’t try to turn a gem, into what you’re resemblin’

You wanna win, I aint sayin join the team

Im just sayin a little niceness goes further than a lot of mean.

That’s why I scream, my needs aren’t being met

You wanna be a dog, well im tryna be the vet

Hello, im miah… don’t believe we formally met yet

But I wanna introduce you to this convent

Save you like holy Jehovah

I wanna save your life and I barely even know ya

I see the potential, every time you crack a smile

Then I start to count the seconds, to see if it’ll last a while

Instead of teeth, I see feet to my face

You called me a stupid bitch, and told me I was the disgrace

Said im a loser, I would never win this race

But I said love is no competition, I will never be in 2^nd place

You paused for the cause and showed me no attention

I swore on your mother’s grave there would be redemption

Changing my life, while tryna change yours

Every time I brought positivity home, you kicked me to the floor

Told me you hate me, love is no more

Then you showed me you’re an ass, so I closed the front door

“get to the back door, so you can be attacked whore”

My eyes just drifted, I dreamnt of luxurious sea shores

Not knowing I replaced my heart with an A-K 4

Seven years I shed tears over the love lost here

Contemplating, steadily waiting for you to come back dear

Holding on to my face, closing my ears

While you shout your obscenities making sure I hear

U couldn’t be more clearer, wishing I could stay

But the end is drawing nearer

Can you hear her?

The call is getting louder

The Lion and the Prowler

She doesn’t want to be a coward,

Doesn’t recognize her power

And every time she showers, she stays in there for hours

Washing away a day she can’t remember

Is it February, or is it still December?

limbs are feeling limber

light is growing dimmer

turn the heat off and bring it to a simmer, plain a simple

im up inside ya mental...

i dont want you fully yet, i just want the rental

if you can take this pain away and promise you'll be gentle

the introductions are never incidental, not coincidental

happiness is a comodity, our love could be more blissful.

maybe we should let the guards know, we're ready rekindle.

2/18/2011

Insight

Insight

Read my poetry, then maybe you would get me

I put everything on paper, I don’t have time to be stingy

You clingy, I hate stupid people so don’t come around me bein dingy

U aint seein what im seeing, so what the fuck are you seeing?

Pores bleeding, hoes screaming

About how much a nigga aint willin to take care of them

Fuckin every nigga cuz she probably out here scared of them

Wondering why she looks bare to them

If only she could tell them who she is, but she couldn’t bear the real to them

They steal from her,so she lets them

Not knowing young love, she’s already met him

Starting to regret him, she grabbed her shit and left him

Standing still, quote unquote “keeping it real”

She sent him letters, they broke the seal

The demons lurkin, smirkin

Ready for what you ready for, pokin they nose in shit you already ignore

Not ready for what’s in store, she’s prepared to whore

Not her body, but her mind is what they fightin over her for

Her pussy just a tool, but niggas will drain the pool for a ride in her ocean

Love potion, sending niggas and bitches through the love motions

An estranged feeling, when they peel back the lips of her divine

Her shit aint loose, but she’s been around the block a couple times

All she wants to do is rewind a few parts of her past

But looking backwards, she’d be lapped and come in last

She gotta keep pushin, even though they wish death upon her

She doesn’t remember the last time a good love was put on her

Every time she lets the water beat against her head

She wishes the times she had left would be dead

Water like daggers, every time she gets deeper

She would have said stop, but the pain she couldn’t relinquish

Bitch u have problems, bitch you have issues

Things that they’ve said, but things were not meant to

Change so quickly, she has to let go

But every time she changes pace, the hate gets thrown to her face

Where there was once a crown, her head is tilted down

Emptiness turned her smile into a frigid frown

Constantly being let down by her constituents

If I was supposed to gron up straight, then why am I always hell bent

Can’t vent, I can’t breath so I break knees and I plead

Unpleasing to a non human being

Wondering why im constantly mistreating

Not eating, motivating the leeching

The constant self beating,

The self deprivation

Running outta patience, so I just gotta say this

My journey’s running out, one inch at a time

My brain’s are falling out, one hit from who I call mine

Can’t be mine, cuz when I look at this guy there’s a feeling of displacement

Where love is in the sentence, I know there was Hate meant

Don’t let nobody in, that you have to invite out

And if they can’t get in, they’re gonna try a new route

If you say your pussy is dry, they pull the dick out

Like that’s the only answer to the waterless drought

This is all that my pain is about

Negelect, abuse, rape that’s really all I know

So no wonder im so dry, I’ve lost my virgin glow

My body is poor, I feel like there’s no more worth left in it

No matter how I spin it, there’s no fixin how I feel inside

I’d rather be dry than not alive

Tryna figure out how to find a new life

Be somebody’s wife and get loved right

But I walk away from the opportunity, feeling everybody is undeserving

Out to get me, this cannot be the life for me

I have faith, but belief is another story

Are is that the same, I feel like im being played

So I try to create a new game, with no names

Just faces and places

Women are profitable, that’s why they chase us

Fuck us then erase us

Love us then replace us

This love life is dangerous

Don’t mean to be cantankerous

But I feel the world is unjust

But God created the heavens and the earth

The moons and the stars

The soft and the hard

But aint no more love on this boulevard

Vanguard the van goes

Inside nobody knows, a body lays inside it

The driver tries to hide it

Inside there is a tied bitch, a tried bitch

Beaten to within an inch, the inch that will save her life

Because as soon as she could, she ran and couldn’t take flight

But ran as far as she could, left his morning wood

11 AM, they still can’t find her…

They didn’t know that God was behind her

Even when they tried to grind her, the devil tried to fine her

Not knowing a calm spirit lingered

Pointed the finger, then watched a hell raised main go through the ringer

She’s not a singer, but she sings songs of praise

Thought she walked alone, but she was righteously raised.

Looking ahead to better days, she finally raised her head and prayed.

2/18/2011

untitled.

I guarantee you a role is being played

they plottin’ on ya life, yo dreams is getting’ sprayed

cuz if it ain’t bout the money, its about getting laid

her daddy  was a child molester, now I’ll take it to my grave

share the world with another lame, and wonder why my life is still the same

dealin’ with the no names,  fillin’ up ya membranes

but my mental too uncontrollable to be tamed

I gotta erase and rename and reclaim, so no one breaks in

And I tell you when you code it, only you can win

But all u do is live in this life of sin,

And u wonderin’ why God aint letting yo prayers in

U sinnin’ for the constant feelin’ of winnin’

Goin bad and disrespectin the women

Even when that’s the only way we enter in

Aint no way a dog can be a human.

We cage them and abuse them

And how do u expect us not to lose them

We choosin’, the losin’ over the prosperin’

Dedicatin’ our life to “hate fosterin”

That’s because we have a lost soul within

Ain’t no use in changing a mothafucker

But I do encourage a hater to turn a lover

Respect your life before u end up 6 feet under

Mother nature will reuse you, and make you into another.

Feed you the seeds you need to please you

U break knees to a non equal and ask the Lord to beseech you

Teach you, wrap his arms around and reach you

Before the devil beats and leaves you bleedin’ while the scavengers eat you

Scary time when the world is underneath you.

born in chaos

move swift, the young man can't show the world his gifts...

in fear of being shot down, he wears a mask ...

just like a clown..head down.

afraid to turn around, he pulls out his peace

he doesn't give a fuck about a bitch ass thief

no grief will swell in his mother's eyes

she gave up on him, it's been a long ass time

this shit aint recorded, so she can't rewind

his mom's can't afford it, so she told him goodbye

u think i speak lies, when i tell you the truth

but as God as my witness, my only proof

call it bad news, if you choose to lose

it's on your own accord, when you stay fa blues

the skies amongst us seem like they don't change

but in my plans today, they were rearranged

the pains inside, can't hide on my face

i wish i could erase the marks, and erase the trace

a hold on his system, he couldn't rejoice

his lungs were full of blood, there was no noise

God took his life, we could cry no tears

cuz a sign of weakeness, is a sign of fear.

mothafuckas lurkin' their whispers are clear

the time for revenge is the time that's near

but the voice sat on her shoulder, when he appeared

a moment of silence, for the heaven bound soldier

listen for a moment so that love can unfold you

wrap itself around you, let the divine hold you

love is all you need, cuz love is all ive showed you

she had to be coo, her heart couldn't take it

if she took her life now, her son wouldn't make it.

 

conflicted memories.

Baby was the finest she’s ever been

But all she needed in this life of sin,

Was a bag of weed and a bottle of gin

Shackled by her insecurities,

She took that old thang back instead of focusing on the possibilities,

Death was inevitability

Your pain hit me unexpectedly, rapidly

Because I love you

You slapped me because for the moment I hated you…

And you let me know you hated me too

U were the one I could depend on,

But instead I fell when you failed to be mines,

Red on the inside, turned blue over time

I told you I missed you, and you said you couldn’t see why

You turned your head, and at that moment I cried

Ashamed of myself, wrapped up in your lies…

I loved you so much, I planned my demise

In between my thighs, I left a note that said, “Sincerely, yours”…

Then I used your cum, to clear up my pores.

Love so sweet, you’d be a fool to ignore

The love down below, she takes from the rich and gives to the poor

Mentally incarcerated, emotionally inebriated

All she wants to do is fuck and get faded

Back and forth in her mind, the angels and demons have deliberated

Let the celebration commence, her heart no longer on the pivotal fence

Emotionless since he left senselessly… he left…. Me…violently.

Just now realizing, that I deserve to be… free…

Love caught me at a chaotic moment, and left me at a stand still…

If I could rip out my heart, I would put it in your hand at will…

Suffocating in your essence, I remember what I was like to be smothered in your good love.

Entangled and intertwined in your love divine, our love undefined… there was no question who was mine.

Turning back time would be like lyin’…I wanted to give up on you, steadily find myself tryin’.

Baby was the most beautiful you’ve ever seen

Mug on mean, walking with her heart under her long sleeve

Easy on the eyes, but an exceptional being…

Lovely on the inside, but a she had a heavenly glow

Don’t underestimate her abilities, only when necessary are they shown

No one could have known the impact she’d have…

Not knowing that when she went to sleep, that breath would be her last.