born in chaos

move swift, the young man can't show the world his gifts...

in fear of being shot down, he wears a mask ...

just like a clown..head down.

afraid to turn around, he pulls out his peace

he doesn't give a fuck about a bitch ass thief

no grief will swell in his mother's eyes

she gave up on him, it's been a long ass time

this shit aint recorded, so she can't rewind

his mom's can't afford it, so she told him goodbye

u think i speak lies, when i tell you the truth

but as God as my witness, my only proof

call it bad news, if you choose to lose

it's on your own accord, when you stay fa blues

the skies amongst us seem like they don't change

but in my plans today, they were rearranged

the pains inside, can't hide on my face

i wish i could erase the marks, and erase the trace

a hold on his system, he couldn't rejoice

his lungs were full of blood, there was no noise

God took his life, we could cry no tears

cuz a sign of weakeness, is a sign of fear.

mothafuckas lurkin' their whispers are clear

the time for revenge is the time that's near

but the voice sat on her shoulder, when he appeared

a moment of silence, for the heaven bound soldier

listen for a moment so that love can unfold you

wrap itself around you, let the divine hold you

love is all you need, cuz love is all ive showed you

she had to be coo, her heart couldn't take it

if she took her life now, her son wouldn't make it.

 

conflicted memories.

Baby was the finest she’s ever been

But all she needed in this life of sin,

Was a bag of weed and a bottle of gin

Shackled by her insecurities,

She took that old thang back instead of focusing on the possibilities,

Death was inevitability

Your pain hit me unexpectedly, rapidly

Because I love you

You slapped me because for the moment I hated you…

And you let me know you hated me too

U were the one I could depend on,

But instead I fell when you failed to be mines,

Red on the inside, turned blue over time

I told you I missed you, and you said you couldn’t see why

You turned your head, and at that moment I cried

Ashamed of myself, wrapped up in your lies…

I loved you so much, I planned my demise

In between my thighs, I left a note that said, “Sincerely, yours”…

Then I used your cum, to clear up my pores.

Love so sweet, you’d be a fool to ignore

The love down below, she takes from the rich and gives to the poor

Mentally incarcerated, emotionally inebriated

All she wants to do is fuck and get faded

Back and forth in her mind, the angels and demons have deliberated

Let the celebration commence, her heart no longer on the pivotal fence

Emotionless since he left senselessly… he left…. Me…violently.

Just now realizing, that I deserve to be… free…

Love caught me at a chaotic moment, and left me at a stand still…

If I could rip out my heart, I would put it in your hand at will…

Suffocating in your essence, I remember what I was like to be smothered in your good love.

Entangled and intertwined in your love divine, our love undefined… there was no question who was mine.

Turning back time would be like lyin’…I wanted to give up on you, steadily find myself tryin’.

Baby was the most beautiful you’ve ever seen

Mug on mean, walking with her heart under her long sleeve

Easy on the eyes, but an exceptional being…

Lovely on the inside, but a she had a heavenly glow

Don’t underestimate her abilities, only when necessary are they shown

No one could have known the impact she’d have…

Not knowing that when she went to sleep, that breath would be her last.

Noire L'Amour

Noire Amor.

Lost in the minds and soul of my husband, my black love, my everything, in the midst of my change. In the midst of my transformation, and He, in the midst of his. We expand with each breath, each step, and each beat of our one heart. We love. We are the essence of that which we call black love, of that which we call marriage. We are eternally bound, because we are each other’s gift from God. A gift that cannot be overshadowed by the demons that we walk beside each day.
Often times we find ourselves staring into each other’s eyes. Watching the moves we each make to better the situations that we put ourselves in. Still learning, but have already learned so much; we nurture the change and proceed on our journey of trust and honor. We know that life and love is a gift, and taking advantage is a heavy sin. Love is love at His best.
Voice. The way we speak to our every emotion, is like peanut butter. Sometimes it’s smooth n creamy, and sometimes, its hard to spread. We learn to live and cope with the emotions on our sleeves without bringing each other down. We are the black light. We are the beautiful black light that shines past the brightest star. No longer do we worry ourselves with he said and she said bullshit, we know what is and what aint. And God aint playin, so why should we? We love to love the emmotion and strength that God has given us to possess. 
Every time I hear the voice of my angel, I feel the joy slowly ease its way through my pure crevices and begin to breathe the breath of love. The breath of black love feels immaculate. The touch of his hands and the way we feel each other is unlike a feeling that has ever been felt. We are one, and we treat each other as one. The hate cannot enter our hearts if we continue to love.I Love.He Loves. Black love. Unafraid to show the affection needed to survive in this harsh world. We keep each other active and forever strong. Love and Respect.

Who am I?

I am overthrowed by my lust for happiness at times.

I am living inside of my mind and dream of escaping, yet there is no right path.

I am exceeding the doubts and negative expectations placed at my feet, and those which boundeth my hands.

I am like the continous "murder she wrotes" and pain driven fears, as the pestilence enters my mind with every stroke of pen.

I am my present, future, past, the now, the after and the beginning....you are my end.

I am rich with pain, I feel a sudden death runs through my blood.

I am a rape victim more than you can imagine, yet I am struggling to surive this punishment.

I am the event that leads to my demise, and to her tears.

I am the difference between you and me.

I am content with the ill-fated world which sorrounds me, because I cannot change the path set by God, and his chosen few.

I am the light, fleeing from the darkness.

I am love, the flower that is the seeds successor.

I am forever in Love's debt.

I am a real life poet lol

Some Player Haiku Shit. 

 

God doesn't love me

I am standing at Heaven's door,

But no one is home.

 

I stare at the wall

The pestilence sorrounds me

My heart is screaming.

 

 My broken face, numb.

He balled his fist and struck me,

Thus my life has changed.

 

Fire burns in my eyes

Don't you love me anymore?

There is no love here.

harsh words to love.

Words to Love.

change is possible, with faith in God
you expect gifts u expect the applaud
but u act as though u deserve an oscar nod
the way u perform on ur own center stage
u never smile fareal, when u have your life made
an unhappy person only does the things u do
ur life has ups and downs, and mines does to
y do u do better when things are against you
i understand u work harder when ur up against the wall,
but sooner or later if u invite ungratefulness n u will fall
it is God that keeps u tall
U must not lie
lies make u blind
The devil takes advantage of people who cant be honest and loyal
and for u to say I am dishonest and fake
its somethin with a grain of salt i must take
I have constanlty and consistently worked hard to get out
but i cant do that when all my love does is shout
u cant figure this right?
u want others to believe in u, whether u right or wrong
but u cant bless others with that same gift?
u shuld really watch what u say
cuz He hears it all.
how can u trust anyone, if u dont give it to Him first
ur gonna drive urself crazy w/ that mentality of urs
disrespectin yo Queen, u cant think thats right
I have stood by u 24 hours x 3 years, ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT
been there when u sick, been there when u down
been there when u up, been there when u frown
been there when u cheated, was there when u didnt,
but unlike u, i dont hold that over ur head
i wish u wuldnt do that to me
but u cant, like uv always said.
I have never cheated on you, so that mentality should b dead
we both flirt, or like to play mind games, and im just gon keep it real, but that's when we were young,
we still babies, but the hard is already done
u will not be happy unless we arguin still
damn dude y cant u just b real.
i have given u my passwords to everything, its on u if u take them
i have given u a complete in to my life, but u chose to overlook
its just a headache, like readn a hard book
we 19 years old, we shuld b makn moves for the future, but instead of trustin in me, u hurt our future, believn the wrong
believn the fake
for what?
what sense does that make?
im not a bitch, and i really despise that word
im very real, people look to me for encouragement in the rain.
they look to me for advice...i am a true young woman
and u cant even see
i am on my way to what i'll truly b
please just stop..love ur life enough to change ur ways
turn ur bad into good and great days
i am not ur downfall, so take responsibility for urself
u think u dnt have anything
but reflect and u'll see ur wealth
i want u to lead a healthy life...
w/o u i am still great and thats how it should b
u are not my everything, but you certainly compliment me
u shuld b my friend first
and my lover second.
Read that bible, it will change ur life.
i love you, and i still have visions of me being ur wife
but i cant do that with this infultration of strife
im tired dude
stop bringin this here
the challenges we face are for a reason by God
we are humans and we have both sinned..
there is change to be won, change must begin.
2008 was great, but 09 is ours,
I dnt wanna drop you, and just make it mine.
let God close ur doors, u dnt have to remind.
leave all of that drama outside and behind.

Oakland, KILLAfornia

Oakland, California….USA. (parental advisory is advised)

Oakland, CALI/ land of the rich/ not of the wealthy/ crabs in a bucket/pullin you down/ all the way from dirty ass International/straight thru the heart of downtown/bitches walk around with they nose n the air/not because they bad/but cuz they smell that purple money/niggas gutta bitch hungry/now, dont get me confused/i love Oakland, WE THE BEST/but Khalid didnt use in his anthem WE DA BEST/most Bay niggas dnt understand what it means to leave the coop/what it means to leave the stoop/what it means to leave to corner/what they say, "come anew"/ a mentality check and change is well overdue/cuz how u gon get better/if a new life aint what u tryna pursue?/u watch ya nigga die/watch they mamas cry/then u say lets get get active/lets fuck that nigga up/make him less attractive/we on a "knockout mission"/a nigga get u, u gotta get him, its tradition/nigga y dnt u slow the fuck dwn, rewind, and listen/ livin n this place has created a different kind/produced a different kind of image/its placed spores in my mind

dnt try to come to the town in act like sumn u not/cuz a bullshit muthafucka is quick to get shot/half the niggas n jail is hella fuckin rottin/dead in the mind/paranoia plottin/not realizin they have no legacy/so they quickly forgotten/forgettin bout the ONLY BEGOTTIN/prayin to they pistol/forgettin bout the Son, they pants below they ankles/ fuckers toting that heavy automatic gun/not realizin the Victory is ours/the battle is already won/if u not a souljah (soul jehovah)/u must not b that one/you just an Oakland Baby/Crack mainy 80's baby/ghostin the whip and doin lazy crazies/all the way down foothill/to the shady 80's/believin in the strife life/focusin on boppa bitches/rachet fuckn hoes/no oakland nigga ride wit L's so shits always repo'd/”Fuck wit it boys”/down to the grimy parts/niggas ridin round wit they boys on they heart/u cant tell the soft ones from the hard ones anymore/niggas would rather murder n kill, then be hungry n december/robbin fuckn truck stops/so they can eatn plentiful n november/poppin pills/sellin dope/is how they make a livin/wonderin why these babies come out wit broken hearts n carnal minds/n u tell me who was slippin?/bitch it was u/u fuckd up ya life/tryna be a dumbass hoe/instead of a Queen a wife....

seems like yestaday/beauty supply rippa slippas/pro style gel/everyday is yestaday/fa the niggas waitin in jail/waitin n wonderin/y the fuck did i go that route/wonderin if they eva gon see daylight/if santa rita gon let em out/mamas smokin wit dey sons/daddys showin babies how to kill/fa youngstas younga den me/tonight is proly gonna b dey last meal/outta pocket/hyphy/call it what u may/but i swear when i see a niggas pants below his ankles/i call a nigga gay/i call a bitch stupid when she sit around and play/play these muthafuckn games/with these no name nigga lames/i swear the entire Oakland usta b so precious/but it seems as though erybody more comfortable with the hand sewn webs of deception/please dont get me started on this City of Death/it was a City of Power once/A city of Change/now its a city of struggle/no longer a union/Black Panthers dont even wanna come back/there will b no jungle reunion/i hate the smell when you walk down San Pablo/bitches pissin erywhere/but if u gotta go u gotta go/i wish things were different/i wish i could b proud of where i stay/but until then ima put this tape back n, press stop, and replay.

TryUMF

In the midst of dropping GPA’s and disrespectful melees

I am apart of a generation that has lost track of age

A youngsta tries to follow his dreams and aspire to be more

He cant afford a good education

Father imprisoned, mother is poor

Strong minded, strong willed

Young people told they can’t rebuild

Our lives… we strive to be different

Belief in God has failed, so back to drugs we’ve been sent

Under motivated, not enough…we refuse to feel

Our families had no dreams, so our direction is at a stand still

No time for Love, no time for education

Never been taught that “United is a Nation”

Welfare, drugs, pimps and hoes

Unity is a skill one barely lives to know

Most are taken before 18

Instead of a classroom, the corners are where we lean

Try UMF

Rededicated to our community

A triumphant soul is what I strive to be

when some crazy shit hit me.

how many times have you gave some love to yourself today... shit, this month...if you can't love you the right way, nobody can love you the way you wanna be loved because you dont even know how you want to be loved.  you can't instruct someone else on how to love you.  How many times have you questioned the decisions you're making, or not trusted someone because, "you just aren't sure."  How many times have you asked yourself over and over if this person is the write one for you?  You have to learn how to be secure with the decisions YOU make, and learn how to trust YOURSELF before you try to LET someone into your life.  My grandma says, "Be careful who you LET into your home, so that you don't have to INVITE them out."  Your home is you, your very existence.. Your home is the air that you breathe, and your soul.  Be careful who you allow into your existence.  Trust yourself, so that when you look at the person you say you want to spend the rest of your life with, you can see a reincarnation of yourself inside of them. See God in your partner. See the value of love, and how important it is... Love yourself, so you can love others, but love others more than you love yourself...at all times keep it with you.