1/25/12 1:26 A.

silence ...
is sometimes necessary when you're trying to bury painful memories...
thoughts that would make hatred envious of me ...
the kind of pain that reigns in your cries,
the kind of fear that you try to hide..
word to the unwise you can't disguise a pain that mystifies a loved one.
even that One closest to you can be the one that kills your spirit with a loaded semi automatic weapon
causing nothing but stress , while you're trying to let God relinquish your fears and bless what's left...

he won't let go,
No... he won't let go.
Won't let go of the idea that you will do him wrong ..
he won't let go ...
no, he won't let go...
Of the preposterous notion that you would rather be gone ...
your heart has to sing songs of heartache instead of bells streamlined from the idea of kids n' wedding cakes...
love . there is none
hurt. there's been some.
lies. neither one is done. ..
playing, name calling, disrespecting...
hints of infidelities,
No, there will not be joyous melodies...
no healing remedies, he lets you know you're on your own,
constantly reminding you, the love has not grown.
so, you have to sit .. and wait... pouring feelings into a silent poem.
while all you wanted to do was call his heart your home.
he's calling you out of your name,
Saying you're the one to blame for the pain,
you're the one who caused the disdain,
Not knowing he was the root of it all.
the inability to just be supportive without judgement,
The inability to transform from thug into husband ...
the nothin' made into somethin'
releasing the self hate, n' lettin' in the lovin'.. you couldn't ..
let alone ... wouldn't..
couldn't see past what your eyes could see ,
wouldn't let go of your thoughts to recognize me ..
so i'm forced to build a fortress made of secrecy ..
just because you wouldn't acknowledge the love you truly had for we.
laying with you, waking up .. making breakfast...
I wore your love around my heart like a necklace.
your smile around my soul like a bracelet
while you refused to face it
the steps i took in the past, made me crash land into you..
nitty n' gritty , I've done plenty ..
but God protected me, n' sent me in your direction for a healin'
not to be ridiculed for selfish decisions made when I thought doin' evil was more appealin'
I've had my demons, and I've done my time... thankfully i never have to pause n' rewind ..
Life is meant to continuously move forward n' grind... and forgiveness is key..
if God can forgive you, we can forgive we...
.