Thoughts on love.

God shows you you're loved before you even recognize how important Love is. Love changes things in a way that can give you a peak into the future. Everything that's felt in love should be what you feel when God is running through you. When you have something great, recognize you deserve greatness. You won't put yourself in situations where that greatness can be affected. Hold on to your joy because that's your freedom, that's what set you apart from those that are trapped by their own selfish ways. When you love yourself you know how much you deserve to be happy. When you really think about it, if you know God is Love, why would you put God in harm's way... That makes no sense. If people love themselves so much like they say they do, they would never do anything that would alter that state of being. How is shackling yourself down acknowledging love for oneself? How is putting yourself in positions of being able to be deprived of freedom showing any type of love. All it shows is that you feel like you deserve to be caged. It shows you that you feel like God deserves to be caged. He isn't great enough to be released and shared with the world. How can you be so selfish and deprive yourself of God's greatest gift to us was Himself, that which is Love. When you find love, your greatest gift in return would be to Live through Him. Thru Love. Not hate, because when you have hatred built up inside you, you're killing yourself. Killing yourself would be treason. Even in a horrible situation, if you love yourself you would always want to let it be known you are blessed. God loves us so much he gave us a conscious. 

Ode to maurice

never

because when i look at you, i dont see me

i see where we will never be

i see someone i will never call my daddy, sadly.

this is the reality of my dreams,

and it will never happen the way i want it to

there will never be a me and you

there will never be a miah and a father

there will never be a father and a daughter

you put your hands to my face and i can never forgive you

but God tells me i mus forgive you, in order for him to forgive me,

so i can be blessed eternally.

love conquers all and this notion i must believe

never again will i try to achieve a relationship with this evil being

there is no shame, you are not to blame

the devil got you, youve been in love with his name

the shadow that consumes you will not be my reign

but n exchange for my happiness i release you as my pain.

Remembering love.

I remember love.
Wishing the moments would never go away... The way you looked at me when we woke up next to each other... How I would melt every time you called me yours and the way it felt when I called you mine.

 I remember the way your hands felt wrapped around my small waist.... The way your palms gripped my fat ass.... Soft lips on my lips. I loved the way you moved my hair away from my face when it got in the way... The way you knew my thoughts before I spoke them... 

I remember the way love feels... When you finished my sentences... The way I felt you when you weren't in my presence... Man I loved knowing we would always be together.... We would work through whatever ... The baby I wanted to carry was supposed to be yours.... Envisioning myself walking down the aisle... Closer to my dreams... Of you and me. 

 I am remembering love at it's best. We knew each others likes and dislikes.... We were inseparable. In and out of time we stole away with each other. You were my refuge.... I was your getaway ... Man... Life was easier when I was loving you and you were loving me..... Love. The place I want to be. 

Untitled

love hurts . and there is nothing you can do about the excruciating pain that u are about to endure. where the beauty of your heart stops... is when somebody hurts you.

what can you do to defeat me, my love?

where are you going and why cant i feel you. a certain numbness kills your soul, now u cannot feel. please God take away my burden, and He fails to respond.

i upgraded u from the nigga u were, and how the fuck can u do me like that? before me, there was no you....there was nothing. now u are what you are because i am gone. who the fuck are you without me? , the pain n my heart spoke. she didnt mean for it to come out the way it did....my heart fell to the floor.

my daddy fuck him, he aint never gon b shit to me, because his pain is not my pain. he is not my equal, so i treat him like shit. unwise..but he taught me not to trust men, empty promises, constantly broken...where am i supposed to go without you, why doesnt your mind think the way mines does.

when you beat me you beat me with fists, and i almost died when i saw the devil in your eyes.. D'Evils playin in the background, laughin at me i see you.

where was she when you hit my face, evil ass bitch just let it happen.

but you still hurt me, left me when i told you i was raped, you realized you failed me and never spoke a word to me. nothing of progression, nothing of anything...wasnt shit to say to me, because you couldnt help me. my life was nothing to you, and there i lost all respect, blanked out, and kicked your motherfucking ass. over and over and over and over again. i was that bitch and i kicked you like you kicked me.

im crying now, there is no life here...abandoment, mentally i see it but u dont speak to me, you dont talk to me about shit you do anymore. its like you're invisible. im dying without you and you dont realize. fuck yo nosey ass mama too, she never wanted us to make it, i was all u had, and u were all i had at the time...everyone wanted us to die, besides our peers..love i loved you...im dying no more though it pains me to speak of you.....

all i want to do is cheat on life, with a love of another substance....life isnt as alluring to me as it used to be. the moments are what helps me keep my momentum, there is nothing that excites me more than the direction i am pacing myself towards...cheating on you is all im accused of doing...with my mom and me loving her more than everything ive ever faced in life...or money....getting things in life....your job to me is now non exisent because i am independent. done, with the ridicule, moving on to better things..i dont need your ring to shackle me..

breakaway

the anger and rage lifts of the page, as skyscrapers life off the ground//my metaphoric rythyms make u think like the many isms portrayed as synonyms//the synopsis renegade: get money, have happiness//obtain less, have less//have none, be no one//i wish to change life, i cant change this life//i cant cuz i hate the person i see in my reflection//that person is dead//i dont know this person everyone else seems to knw//i dnt wanna know this person everyone else seems to know//but i do know, i need to grow//pack my things and go//erase the past and show no more//come a new//a  new, be new, one new./singular/me.//there is no fuckin unity, in this Oakland/bay area city//grimy niggas grinding//pissin, snitchin steadily shittin on eachother.//the stench of deception lies on my peers//and everyone knows this bitch smells fear//so i slice muhfuckas from ear to ear//cuz they approach me with hopes to persevere.//to overcome the obstacles set before them//erase the pain, stitch up the broken busted hem/but brokeness stems from misery and misery enjoys company//and as this blood flows toward me from my brothers coroded artery//i cant help but think damn, im glad thats not me, G// G, the first letter of my brother's name/encouraged by the game//basketball of course//playin wit whores who love grand tours of the lane connected to his 16 year old penis//the old rule stands: men are from mars, women are from venus..//in order to be cool she must suck on the opportunity that may never come..instead of finding her own way she chooses to stay until he busts one, two, maybe 3 capfulls in her dumb ass//or course no good brain//the bitch is lame, too wild to tame, all for the price of his fame//instead of easin her mental and physical strain, she becomes used to bein irrelavant//she comes home after a hard days work and begins to slave over a hot fuckin stove//housebroken womans code:dnt complain, just do it, like nike said soo//she's in housewife mode//steak a la mode//she sits and waits for her cheatin ass husband to come home//he gives her a shrug, she opts for a hug//when she smells pussy and his cover up cologne she find herself thrown//no longer holds the reigns of his thrown//but she's a queen all on her lonesome//all on her own, alone. //but not alone for too long//for wrong doesnt condemn wrongs to come..she takes him to court//she gon get her some, she's won//now happy she still finds herself undone//how could she have been so stupid, that dumb?//the quote still stands, you are what u eat//and she's had her share of dirty dark meat//considered a delicassee her tears begin to stream//her insides trembling, she screams...cuz She is ME//looking back at my dream deferred reality//there will never be peace for me, not I, cuz all i do is cry//please dont try to decode my troubled life//there's no fix ur fucked up life quidebook, for dummies//so now im runnin//runnin away to find a way, to make a way//create a brighter day//God broke me down, cuz i wasn't low enough//now i realize my life hasn't been that rough//my outter layer is strong, my inner parts are tough//now im tellin all u hatin devils, enough is enough...breakaway...